We spend a surprising amount of our lives holding on.
We hold on to responsibilities and expectations.
We replay conversations, anticipate what might happen next and sometimes carry the weight of things that have already passed.
We brace ourselves against uncertainty, worry about things outside our control, or feel that we need to be prepared for every eventuality. Even when there's nothing particularly demanding happening, we can find ourselves operating as though there is.
Why do we brace ourselves against life?
Our bodies are naturally designed to respond to challenges and protect us when we need it.
When we perceive a threat or feel under pressure, our nervous system activates a stress response. Hormones such as adrenaline and cortisol help prepare us to deal with whatever is happening. Our heart rate increases, our muscles become more alert and our attention shifts towards the perceived threat.
This response is incredibly useful when we need it. The difficulty is that we don't always give ourselves enough opportunity to switch it off.
Much of modern life encourages us to remain in a state of alertness. We're constantly exposed to information, notifications, opinions and news, much of which is negative or unsettling. Social media gives us an endless stream of things to compare ourselves with, react to or feel we should be keeping up with.
Everything is faster, and our expectations have changed to match. Letters that once took days or weeks to arrive are now delivered in milliseconds through email and messaging. We expect instant answers, immediate responses and quick solutions. Even waiting can start to feel like wasted time.
I'm not sure we were built for this constant pace of stimulation.
Then there's the pressure to be productive. We fill our days with responsibilities, commitments and things that need doing. Even our leisure time can become another opportunity to achieve something. We might be exercising, learning, improving ourselves or planning the next activity, leaving very little time when we're not trying to do something.
And when we do finally stop, our minds don't necessarily follow. We might sit down to relax but find ourselves thinking about tomorrow's tasks, replaying a conversation or worrying about something that hasn't happened yet.
There's also the uncertainty of life itself. We can't always predict what will happen, control how others behave or guarantee that things will work out as we hope. Sometimes, in an attempt to feel prepared, we spend a lot of energy anticipating problems before they even arise.
All of these things can encourage us to live in a state of anticipation, constantly preparing, responding and thinking ahead.
How can we recognise when we’re bracing against life?
We might begin by noticing the physical habits we've developed. Perhaps our shoulders creep towards our ears, our jaw tightens, our hands clench or our breathing becomes a little more restricted.
Sometimes, we become so accustomed to these patterns that we stop noticing them, and we don't realise how much we're holding until we give ourselves a moment to pause.
Before we can let go of something, we first need to recognise that we're holding it. This is where awareness comes in. These small observations can tell us a lot about how we're moving through life, often without even realising it.
The intention isn't to judge ourselves or immediately try to change everything we notice. It's simply to become more familiar with our own patterns.
Awareness gives us the opportunity to make a different choice.
The difference between holding on and letting go
We sometimes associate letting go with giving up.
But letting go doesn't mean ignoring our responsibilities, abandoning what matters to us or pretending that difficult experiences haven't affected us.
It might simply mean recognising what is within our control and what isn't.
We can care deeply without worrying constantly. We can take responsibility without feeling that everything needs to be achieved straight away. We can acknowledge difficult feelings without allowing them to occupy every moment.
Letting go is about loosening our grip. And when we begin to do that, something can change. The heart can feel a little lighter and the mind can become quieter.
By letting go, we haven't necessarily changed our circumstances. We've changed the weight we're placing on them.
Finding the balance between holding on and letting go
There is a lovely concept in yoga philosophy called Sthira Sukham Asanam, from Patanjali's Yoga Sutras. It describes the qualities of steadiness and ease in our physical postures. We need enough effort to support ourselves, but not so much that we're creating unnecessary tension.
In our yoga practice, we need enough effort to support ourselves, but not so much that we're creating unnecessary tension.
Think about holding a chair pose. We need strength, stability and engagement, but we don't need to tense every muscle in our body to achieve it.
We can be strong without being rigid. We can be steady without gripping. We can make an effort without forcing.
Perhaps this is something we can explore beyond the yoga mat too.
How much effort is enough? Where might we be working harder than we need to? And where could we allow a little more ease into the way we approach things?
Sometimes the answer isn't to do more. It's to recognise where we can do a little less.
Six weeks of exploring the art of letting go
Over the next six weeks in our yoga classes, we'll explore different ways we hold on and how we might begin to soften some of those patterns.
Through movement, breath and moments of stillness, we'll use our yoga practice as an opportunity to become a little more aware of how we approach ourselves and the world around us.
Each week we'll explore a different aspect of this, from recognising physical tension and our need for control, to the expectations we place on ourselves and learning to make space for things as they are.
There is no expectation to let go of everything, or to find an answer to every question.
Perhaps the invitation is simply to notice.
To recognise when we're holding on a little too tightly, when we're bracing ourselves unnecessarily, and when we might have a choice to approach things differently.
What might you put down?
As we move towards the end of the year, it's easy to become caught up in everything that needs doing.
There are responsibilities to meet, plans to make, people to see and expectations to fulfil. We can find ourselves rushing through one thing while already thinking about the next.
Perhaps this is a good time to pause and ask ourselves a different question.
Not what else do I need to do?
But what am I carrying that I might not need to carry quite so heavily?
It might be a worry, an expectation, a habit of overthinking or simply the feeling that you always need to be doing something.
You don't have to put everything down. You don't have to have it all figured out.
But perhaps you can loosen your grip a little.
And in doing so, make a little more room for yourself to breathe, to be present and to enjoy the life you're already living.
